Season one group rewatch: "Only You"

[jae]

This is the discussion post for "Only You" (episode #10) in the group rewatch of season one. When you rewatched the episode, was there anything you noticed that you didn't notice the first time (and any subsequent times) you saw it? What things about it did you perhaps view differently after having seen the later episodes?

You can expect spoilers for the entire first season in the comments. Feel free to join in even if you didn't get a chance to watch the episodes that preceded it!

Comments

[sistermagpie]

Yes, when it started Gregory was the one that meant no pressure because she chose him, and he'd always accepted a situation where he was only there when she came to him. It was the most controlled relationship in the world and it also held the promise of her just leaving her fake husband and going to him.

But somehow over the years that changed and then Gregory in desperation was pulling all the influence he had to try to keep her. Meanwhile Philip finds himself in the odd position where the very thing that made him terrible--that he wasn't her choice--plays into Elizabeth and Gregory's story that they do everything for the cause. When their relationship was tested they'd already built up such a foundation of it being about loyalty to the party that they could hardly have run away together. I think Gregory would have been up for it, but Elizabeth had far more options. Plus in the end the cause gave her love, even if it didn't mean to do that. She would have stayed even without the cause because she wouldn't leave her family.

I do think Gregory from the time we meet him (which is after he gets dumped pretty much) is always trying to provoke some confrontation. Yet in a way he runs into the same kind of impossible resistance in a different form. With Elizabeth she set up all these boundaries about her loyalty that he couldn't get through. With Philip he just wouldn't be drawn into their story.

It's funny when you think that Gregory tells Elizabeth not to go back to him, that she should find somebody like him. Yet Philip one of the few people Elizabeth knows who's made the same commitment to the cause as she has. It just shows again how Gregory and Elizabeth use subterfuge to talk about feelings. The thing that's supposed to be wrong with Philip is that he's just her cover and not real. No matter what they've said to each other about his potential weakness, that was always the real attraction of Gregory.

[katiac]

Plus in the end the cause gave her love, even if it didn't mean to do that. She would have stayed even without the cause because she wouldn't leave her family.

One interesting thing I was contemplating about Elizabeth the other day (and Philip too) likened back to that article from the summer where they talked about the influence of the show on how marriage reshapes one's character. And really, both Elizabeth and Philip reshape each other in such healthy ways, where Gregory and Irina are really the harsher, uninfluenced version of themselves.

Elizabeth and her stark honesty is such a terrific, grounding force for Philip, who can be too slippery and can get himself into trouble with his lack of boundaries. We see that perfectly in Irina, who didn't seem to draw a personal line at lying to or manipulating a man she'd once loved, either in the past or the present. Philip screws up with the one lie, for sure, but in the way he recognizes his mistake and tries to apologize and be honest about the screw-up it's just so completely different from Irina's moral grayness where she's also busted about HER lie and instead of coming clean, leaves him with a non-answer about such a huge question she knows will eat at him.

And the same thing with how Philip influences Elizabeth. It's kind of funny because you could easily imagine that if Elizabeth wasn't forced to have children under orders, she'd probably not have them, but just would've stayed a soldier. And Gregory with his repeated statements devaluing family, and claiming readiness to sacrifice their (Elizabeth's) families for the cause, is probably very close to how she felt back then. So the Centre forcing her into having children inadvertently changed her, as did being married to Philip, and for the better, giving her that loving piece and other, softer side she never could've enjoyed with someone who sees her as just a soldier who wants to die for the cause. And when we're seeing Gregory at the end, asking Elizabeth to run off on her kids, that's really also the old Elizabeth who might've been tempted to do so, rather than the fuller, changed Elizabeth who's become more complex where he's just sort of stayed stuck in the 1960's.

It just shows again how Gregory and Elizabeth use subterfuge to talk about feelings. The thing that's supposed to be wrong with Philip is that he's just her cover and not real. No matter what they've said to each other about his potential weakness, that was always the real attraction of Gregory.

Can you elaborate on what you mean? This idea is fascinating to me.

[sistermagpie]

Irina is just so terrible! Okay, I don't know her well, but it's just like you said--the very fact that she'd lie to this guy she once allegedly cared about, and not even for much of a good reason that we can see. It's such a betrayal to lie about a child of all things. It's another reason for me to think that she doesn't have children, that she's yet another loyal soldier like Grannie or Gregory who don't really get it.

But once she does that it's like she takes away the original relationship too, at least I think she does. She'd already hurt him by saying she'd found someone else and now she's throwing up all these competing stories until there's nothing there at all. Gregory and Elizabeth, of course, never do that because they're the opposite. They don't want to lie to each other.

So it really is great that Irina pulls all that and then Philip still lies to Elizabeth and gets called on it right away and pays for it. Like you said, he needs that influence.

Can you elaborate on what you mean? This idea is fascinating to me.

I mean the way that it really seems like the biggest thing with Elizabeth and Gregory was that she chose him, that the two of them believed that they were made for each other, understood each other, were like each other. She says to Philip that she knows him--he always does what he says he's going to do (unlike you, Philip!), when he tells her to find someone who loves her strength it to me sounds like he's saying to find someone to love her for what she really is. (When Elizabeth jokes "you like that stuff?" there's some truth to it because her being a hardass does put a lot of people off.)

I feel like over the years, especially from Gregory's pov, it must have gotten more and more important that Philip was "the cover" and he was her real romance. And I just feel like that's what he really means when he's telling her not to settle for that relationship, not to get lost in her fake cover life, but to stay true to herself. That seems to always be the way he defines Philip. When he tells Philip about their affair that's what he talks about--she came to him horrified at having to "live this life", he tells her that without telling Philip about them it's basing their life on a lie, he corrects her when she calls Philip her husband by saying he's her cover, he thinks she's finally leaving the guy.

It just seems like when he's really seriously talking about this stuff it's not about how Philip isn't loyal enough to the cause (though presumably that's understood and it's the reason he can't appreciate her own commitment and therefore not her) it's that being with Philip means not being true to herself. He never just comes out and says that he needs to be her true love. Just like her, he always finds a way to work it into something that sounds larger than herself. She needs to be true to herself because herself is committed to a higher cause.

This is kind of the opposite of Philip who openly puts their relationship outside of the cause--that's something that's important to him, but his family comes first. When he talks about their relationship it's always strictly their relationship--he thinks she always wanted him to be someone else, he needs her to ask him to come home for her.

[katiac]

Irina is just so terrible! Okay, I don't know her well, but it's just like you said--the very fact that she'd lie to this guy she once allegedly cared about, and not even for much of a good reason that we can see. It's such a betrayal to lie about a child of all things. It's another reason for me to think that she doesn't have children, that she's yet another loyal soldier like Grannie or Gregory who don't really get it.

But once she does that it's like she takes away the original relationship too, at least I think she does. She'd already hurt him by saying she'd found someone else and now she's throwing up all these competing stories until there's nothing there at all.

That's kind of how I leaned too--that she'd made the whole thing up... we'll have to see if they ever decide to wrap up that loose end! And I completely agree with the concept that by lying either then or now, she's really sort of evaporated everything they used to have just like Gregory becomes a ghost who's really irrelevant by the end of this episode... he meant something deep and meaningful to the old Elizabeth, but to the one who's standing before him, it's just not the same. They're so out of touch and having all these misfires in expectations no matter how desperate they are to connect that last time like they used to because she's changed so drastically and no one wants to say that out loud. And Irina's one big draw was that she'd really chosen Mischa, rather than acted put out about it like Elizabeth, like he was never good enough, but then she really spoiled that nostalgic piece to it by treating him like he wasn't really that special after all. She'd lie to him like he was just any other guy. And also I think that she'd honey-trap him would be a huge breach of trust... it's like he never has to worry about that from Elizabeth who was so brutally honest all those years that she had zero feelings for him. He can trust her in a way he'll never be able to with Irina.

This is kind of the opposite of Philip who openly puts their relationship outside of the cause--that's something that's important to him, but his family comes first. When he talks about their relationship it's always strictly their relationship--he thinks she always wanted him to be someone else, he needs her to ask him to come home for her.

And it's funny since that's kind of Elizabeth's forbidden fruit that keeps popping up all season ever since things suddenly turned personal in the pilot. She keeps wanting that preferential treatment, but it's not something she's comfortable feeling or wants to acknowledge is true about her. It's the most taboo thing in the world to openly put something above loyalty to Moscow. And yet that's exactly what she keeps depending on Philip to do for her whether it's here or in the next episode in defying orders. Or in backing her up when she beats Grannie. Or in being able to trust that if they're in trouble like in the meeting with the Colonel, they can depend on each other to make getting their kids to safety the priority.

[sistermagpie]

I feel like the phantom son story is almost better just as a potential idea to get thrown out than the son himself. It's not like they could have the son show up in the US. I would, otoh, love to have a convo where Elizabeth, for instance, if she ever came into contact with Irina, maybe asked Philip about the story so that he could explain that he thought she was just lying and Elizabeth would understand how hurtful that would be. This is the father of her children, the guy she trusts almost more than herself with them. She might at first feel jealous at the prospect of another woman sharing that with him, but if she understood the situation she'd probably get very protective of Philip.

And it's funny since that's kind of Elizabeth's forbidden fruit that keeps popping up all season ever since things suddenly turned personal in the pilot.

Yeah, it's seriously explosive--no wonder they made it so central to the season about their romance. She's not only got a built-in reason for trying to push Philip away but that reason's directly against her own desires. Philip was tailor made to knock her socks off after a long time--like a sleeper agent he was embedded there next to her and won her over without her realizing it. Poor Gregory didn't stand a chance! She was so much more aware of how she felt about him and could pay attention to it. Gregory was always telling her they shared the devotion to the cause above all else. Philip's the one whispering "all for you" for years.

Which makes the title of this ep wonderfully ambiguous.

[katiac]

I feel like the phantom son story is almost better just as a potential idea to get thrown out than the son himself. It's not like they could have the son show up in the US. I would, otoh, love to have a convo where Elizabeth, for instance, if she ever came into contact with Irina, maybe asked Philip about the story so that he could explain that he thought she was just lying and Elizabeth would understand how hurtful that would be. This is the father of her children, the guy she trusts almost more than herself with them. She might at first feel jealous at the prospect of another woman sharing that with him, but if she understood the situation she'd probably get very protective of Philip.

It's just so great as a contrast because using the kids as pawns is just such an unthinkable thing for P/E to do that no matter how bad things are personally, they just don't even consider going there. They're completely united as parents, as partners who put the kids first, and very much linked in that worry for their kids and the future. At no time in the separation do we see either of them try to gain the kids on their side or turn them against the other parent. In fact, they're both actively defending the other parent. The idea that Irina could/would use that to manipulate would probably incense Elizabeth.

One of the saddest things about how the timing of the "pause button" turned out was that Philip had this huge, traumatic revelation and because of the separation couldn't turn to Elizabeth for support. And perhaps now has to be a little skittish about even bringing the subject up. I really hope they'll touch on that next season.

Philip was tailor made to knock her socks off after a long time--like a sleeper agent he was embedded there next to her and won her over without her realizing it. Poor Gregory didn't stand a chance! She was so much more aware of how she felt about him and could pay attention to it. Gregory was always telling her they shared the devotion to the cause above all else. Philip's the one whispering "all for you" for years.

Which makes the title of this ep wonderfully ambiguous.

Love the way your mind works!

[sistermagpie]

I was waiting for the train this morning and suddenly had another thought about Philip. ;-) I'll probably bring it up later but figured I'd pass it along.

I was thinking about how Philip so rarely says anything about himself, so when he does it ought to possibly be taken as more serious than it would be otherwise. The one time he really gives his view of how he feels is his description of what it was like when he and Elizabeth met, how she was disappointed and he could tell she wanted him to be somebody else, something he's apparently felt their whole marriage.

It suddenly occurred to me how being "somebody else" is pretty much what Philip does for a living. So here he's faced with the one person he can't do that with. Like it's not just that he can tell she doesn't want him, though that's not good, but he seems to also not be able to tell what it is that she is wants. Because if he could do that he might have, just out of habit, morphed into that person. He might have injected a little more performance into their relationship to make things go smoothly, leaving us with a far less honest relationship today.

But it seems like he couldn't do that, that his trailing off on how she wanted him to be "...somebody else"--said with frustration as if he wished he could just say "You wanted me to be some big hulking soldier with a fanatical communist gleam in his eye" or whatever adds to his confusion. Because he can't figure out how to play her or please her. He's left, it seems, just being himself. With another person he might have hidden himself even more.

I mean, there are some things that he does despite knowing she doesn't like them. Surely he can tell she's a true believer and that she doesn't like his enjoyment of malls etc. But it's possible that he got looser that way because he felt powerless to really be what she wanted. Like he says in the motel "Maybe you just don't find me attractive." It's freeing to just give up!

[katiac]

Like it's not just that he can tell she doesn't want him, though that's not good, but he seems to also not be able to tell what it is that she is wants. Because if he could do that he might have, just out of habit, morphed into that person.

And really, this IS kind of what he did in the moment he lied about Irina. It was that rare moment when Elizabeth was emotional and finally: giving. That's something she's never really been towards him... wanting him and their relationship enough to outwardly admit it. I mean, the guy completely screwed up by lying, but you have to sympathize with how hard it must've been to live with almost twenty years of rejection by that point. Finally Elizabeth flat out states what she wants and it's no longer a mystery: "I want it to be real. Do you think we could do that?" And it completely sucks because of the timing, but then he does exactly what you're saying--morphs into the guy who hadn't screwed up and made a mistake with his ex. And that one little lie completely destroys all trust because suddenly he's the pretender with her too, rather than their relationship being special.

He might have injected a little more performance into their relationship to make things go smoothly, leaving us with a far less honest relationship today.

Absolutely. Love these thoughts!

Because he can't figure out how to play her or please her. He's left, it seems, just being himself. With another person he might have hidden himself even more.

And that's such an addictive thing in a relationship. Being with someone who you can be completely real with, who sees all your bad points and still loves you. And sometimes it makes one easier to form if you've already been through all those bad things and they're still there. They explored that, of course, on a much deeper level by the end of the season as Philip and Elizabeth had to learn to love the real person, not just what they wished they were, but for someone like Philip who's always pretending, who's always having to lie, that would be the huge draw for him--someone who didn't just like "Scott" or "Clark" but who saw "Philip" and everything he did... and still wanted THAT guy. He would probably grow weary with how easy it was to act a part and get random women to fall for him. I mean, I think it might be a rush at first, and probably he would always enjoy being good at what he did, but I would think it would eventually get very tiring to always be loved for being someone you weren't and never for someone you were. It would be all the more tempting to want that with the one person who saw your flaws.

But it seems like he couldn't do that, that his trailing off on how she wanted him to be "...somebody else"--said with frustration as if he wished he could just say "You wanted me to be some big hulking soldier with a fanatical communist gleam in his eye" or whatever adds to his confusion.

And also I think he just had to be all but defeated by that point. Because really, the first half of the season was all about Philip getting to know the real Elizabeth, and deciding if he could forgive her "flaws" and love her just as she was. And he did, telling her he loved her for the first time even after the revelations about her affair and the reporting. He found a way to understand what drove her. And the second was really Elizabeth getting to know the real Philip, and everything in reverse. Because really, I don't see that his position on her really changed all that much between episodes 8 and 13. He was just kind of playing dead while she worked everything out in her head and decided for herself whether a real marriage with him was what she wanted. And at that moment where he says that line you quoted, he's coming right off having experienced them being closer than ever, Elizabeth finally giving herself for the first time, and him having accepted the real her, warts and all. That she so completely rejects the real "him" at the first time it's really shown to her (because the lying thing is an honest flaw and probably something of a tender spot) has to be all the more painful.

But it's possible that he got looser that way because he felt powerless to really be what she wanted. Like he says in the motel "Maybe you just don't find me attractive." It's freeing to just give up!

It's interesting to think about. Because they're just so tight lipped on Philip it's hard to know what's driving him. What's interesting to me is that on the one level, yeah, it does look like he kind of gave up, but then he's also NOT giving up in this other huge way--holding a torch for her all those years despite how he's getting just nothing back but constant rejection. Maybe that's the wrong way to say it because clearly he's getting "something" like there's some payoff or he wouldn't keep doing it, but that's a long time to continue loving someone who's made it clear they've always wished you were something else. Makes you wonder what sort of background would predispose him to fall for someone like that, and stick it out.