Yeah, I feel for her throughout the scene. I can't say exactly what she's thinking, but it does make sense.
I mean, she encourages him to do the Kimmie thing, but she's probably telling herself that it's no big deal. Like she tells him that if he does this one thing he'll be free of her and really out of the spy game. She probably feels guilty about it, but can tell herself it's only a small request.
Then he refuses and she gets mad--and also jealous, since he slept with Kimmie. So she's giving him all the frustration and anger she feels. In the moment she really is mad and it feels good. She's probably back in the place of telling herself she's the superior, stronger one. Philip is, after all, the only person she can ever really be mad at, especially now. With everybody else she has to tailor her emotions or cover them up.
So she's probably still mad when she starts out for Chicago. But then she's alone and really taking in what's happening. She's always told herself she's ready to die--wants to die heroically. But here she is all alone and she really does want someone to love her. She's thinking about happier times and wishing she had Henry back etc., so she calls him to talk to him once more before she dies. She's probably telling herself at first that she's not going to call Philip because she's mad at him. Maybe she's first thinking he'll just be sorry when she's dead. Then she thinks...maybe he won't be sorry when she's dead. Whenever she's on death's door she tends to think everybody will be better off without her. She's insulted him and pushed him away and now she's alone.
So when he calls she really doesn't want him to think she's ordering him to come. She's still got her pride and he just basically accused her of being sort of a monster trying to trick him into doing terrible things.
But then he just shows up for her anyway, just like he did in S1 after she threw him out of the house. He's the same guy, he hasn't changed. And maybe when she says she didn't think he'd come she doesn't just mean she thought she wasn't worth it to him, but maybe she's wondering if she's not...?
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timeasmymeasure
Re: Philip and Elizabeth
Date: 2022-06-30 11:45 pm (UTC)I mean, she encourages him to do the Kimmie thing, but she's probably telling herself that it's no big deal. Like she tells him that if he does this one thing he'll be free of her and really out of the spy game. She probably feels guilty about it, but can tell herself it's only a small request.
Then he refuses and she gets mad--and also jealous, since he slept with Kimmie. So she's giving him all the frustration and anger she feels. In the moment she really is mad and it feels good. She's probably back in the place of telling herself she's the superior, stronger one. Philip is, after all, the only person she can ever really be mad at, especially now. With everybody else she has to tailor her emotions or cover them up.
So she's probably still mad when she starts out for Chicago. But then she's alone and really taking in what's happening. She's always told herself she's ready to die--wants to die heroically. But here she is all alone and she really does want someone to love her. She's thinking about happier times and wishing she had Henry back etc., so she calls him to talk to him once more before she dies. She's probably telling herself at first that she's not going to call Philip because she's mad at him. Maybe she's first thinking he'll just be sorry when she's dead. Then she thinks...maybe he won't be sorry when she's dead. Whenever she's on death's door she tends to think everybody will be better off without her. She's insulted him and pushed him away and now she's alone.
So when he calls she really doesn't want him to think she's ordering him to come. She's still got her pride and he just basically accused her of being sort of a monster trying to trick him into doing terrible things.
But then he just shows up for her anyway, just like he did in S1 after she threw him out of the house. He's the same guy, he hasn't changed. And maybe when she says she didn't think he'd come she doesn't just mean she thought she wasn't worth it to him, but maybe she's wondering if she's not...?