Question of the week #7

[treonb]

The marriage at the centre of the show is the one between Philip and Elizabeth, but there's another marriage that looms large as well: the one between Stan and Sandra. Both marriages have problems.

So here's this week's question: To what extent are those problems similar, or are they entirely different?  You can expect spoilers for the entire first season in the comments.

(There's no expiration date on these questions, so if you're reading this post months later and feel like jumping in, please do.)

Comments

[jae]

Hi! Welcome to the comm. :)

I suspected based on your story that you and I saw this differently (which is fine--I enjoyed reading your take too!). But I really don't think Elizabeth was lying to him any more than I would be lying if I had a secret relationship and didn't tell my co-workers about it. They never made each other any promises (explicit or implicit) beyond those of close co-workers, at least not until 1981, so she didn't owe Philip any sort of disclosure.

Where we do agree is in the fact that Philip was much more communicative than she was, throughout their early years. He went out of his way to be more honest with her than he'd probably ever been with anyone. And you bet that finding out she hadn't regarded their relationship in the same way he always had led to him being willing to lie to her later.

-J

[jae]

See, but from my perspective, she owed Gregory that much. Look at it from Gregory's point of view: she was dumping him after a decade-plus of him getting only part of her due to the nature of her job, and him settling for that, and then he ultimately lost her entirely to someone he must have been terribly jealous of. Elizabeth was right to let Gregory go before things became entirely official with Philip, but she owed Gregory that explanation more than she owed it to Philip, who she didn't have that romantic history with. I do think she would have ultimately been honest with Philip about Gregory if Gregory hadn't spilled the beans, but things were still so tenuous between them at that point that she wasn't ready yet.

-J

[jae]

Philip feels like the victim because his "wife" cheated on him when he was faithful for 15 years. Elizabeth feels like the victim because she was forced into a marriage and sexual relationship with a man she didn't choose. Gregory feels like a victim because he gave everything for this woman who came over when she wanted sex/affection and then left for her home/life with another man--then she dumped him like an afterthought.

Yes, this is it exactly. And you know, while I do have my own perspectives on whether or not they each "have the right" to feel like the victim, in the end it doesn't really matter whether they have that right. After all, each of those perspectives is totally understandable when you're looking at it from the corresponding point of view. They've all been hurt--they've all hurt each other.

-J

[jae]

Yes, exactly! Agreed on all counts.

And tangentially, I find it incredibly frustrating when fans pick a side and decide the other one is just completely wrong (or even a horrible person). The whole point of the show is about to what extent it's possible to understand "the other side," the least we as fans can do is try to understand each of the characters' individual points of view.

-J