I don't even think he necessarily knows what for, exactly (and especially not, like, coherently and explicitly - if he had the words, he'd have used them then). I think it's more amorphous than that, more just this overwhelming wanting for things to be different. To be less painful.
It's like the showrunners once said when asked what Philip wanted. They said he just wanted his soul to hurt less.
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It's like the showrunners once said when asked what Philip wanted. They said he just wanted his soul to hurt less.