This is pretty much what I took from it - that he's trying to be the best and most honest person he can be right now, but what actually happened when he tried to express himself fully was basically incoherent, jagged-edged longing. I don't even think he necessarily knows what for, exactly (and especially not, like, coherently and explicitly - if he had the words, he'd have used them then). I think it's more amorphous than that, more just this overwhelming wanting for things to be different. To be less painful.

I keep changing my mind over how much I think Elizabeth would understand if she'd not been distracted, though. :)